


The Chocolate

by CreativeSkull



Series: Wander x Reader One-shots [3]
Category: Wander Over Yonder (Cartoon)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 14:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16064609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativeSkull/pseuds/CreativeSkull
Summary: Who knew a bit of chocolate at the Farmers Market would cause so much trouble?





	The Chocolate

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, it's been awhile since my last fic. Sorry 'bout that guys. I've seen how many people are reading these(or maybe just a few people reading them a lot), and I wanted to get this out sooner, but things just got really hectic. But now things aren't so hectic, although I do have some a couple of big projects coming up. But I'll still try and get a couple more of these one-shots out for y'all.

While humans hadn't been out and about in the galaxy for very long, they had still managed to make a presence. While many stayed on the space station Eden, several had left it for various reasons. Be it as hired guns, scholars, colonists, or priests. And, following all of them, were your favorite.

Merchants.

Which is why you had pretty much dragged Wander and Sylvia to the planet you were on now. You had heard that there was a Farmers Market type of thing going on, and had somehow managed to convince them to head there.

Actually, all you had to do was convince Wander. He then convinced Sylvia, and you were off to Zarblofaf to visit the Farmers Market.

The only unforeseen consequence that you have to deal with now was that Wander will not stop asking questions.

"Soooo, why's it called a 'Farmers Market'?" He asks from atop Sylvia as the three of you make your way down to the surface of the planet.

You sigh. "I don't know. Maybe it was started by farmers back on Earth."

"Uh huh." He look thoughtful for a moment. "And, what do they sell?" You roll your eyes, fighting to urge to reply with something horribly sarcastic.

' _I don't know, Wander. What do you think farmers would sell?_ ' "Food, Wander. They sell food. Y'know, like apples, and pies, and, uh, donuts? Maybe some... farming tools?" Sylvia throws you a Look and you cave immediately. "Okay, so I've never actually been to one of these before! So what? I've watched enough TV to know they sell stuff."

She just snorts, unimpressed by your lack of knowledge. "Yeah, sure. There's not going to be anything dangerous at this thing, is there?"

"Nope. There will probably be some other humans, though. We just love this kind of stuff!" You land and the Orbble pops. Almost immediately Wander is off, running into the nearby crowd while you and Sylvia stare after him. "How in the hell is he so fast?"

"I don't know, but we better find him quick." She pauses and gives you an apologetic look. "It's not that I don't trust _you_ , of course, but the rest of your species..."

You wave her off. "Yeah yeah. Violent, greedy, and taken in by the first cute thing to cross our path."

"Not what I was going to say, but close enough! You take the left, I'll take the right, and we'll meet up back here in an hour. Go!" And with that she iss also gone. With a weary sigh you head into the left, resolving to keep an eye out for toddler leashes as you go.

WwWwWwW

It's been almost an hour, and while you haven't found any toddler leashes you have finally found Wander. He's standing next to a vendor whose sign is advertising candy, written in both the Galactic Standard and English. As you approach, you can hear him pestering the poor man with more questions.

"-and that, and that, and ooh! Some of that brown stuff!" Brown stuff? He couldn't possibly mean-?

"Excuse me sir." You say, deliberately cutting in front of Wander. You like him, you really do, but this is more important right now. "Is that chocolate?"

The man immediately perks up, though you have no idea if it's because you saved him from Wander or he's just happy to see another human. "It sure is! It's one credit for a bar."

"Amazing!" You breathe as you hand over the money. "I thought all the cocoa plants had perished in the attack." As you grab the bar, you notice Wander go very still beside you. You ignore it, though, because chocolate.

"Oh, no, they did. But luckily my family found a planet just full of them. Tastes just like the stuff from Earth too." He grins as you start trying to unwrap the package.

"Um, excuse me, but uh, what planet exactly did you get that from?" Wander asked from beside you. You can't see his expression, but this is definitely the most serious you've ever heard him.

"Oh, it was, um, what did that guy call it again?" The man looks thoughtful for a moment, then smiles. "Oh, right, I think he called it Califro."

"DON'T EAT THAT!" The change was instantaneous as the alien lunged at you, grabbing for the chocolate you'd raised to your mouth. You try to dodge around him, holding the bar of goodness away from him.

"What? No! Wander it's just chocolate holy shit!" He grabs your arm and, with a strength he should not have possessed, tries to take the chocolate away from you. In response you shove it in your mouth.

All of it.

At once.

There's a moment of silence as Wander stares at you, still hanging from your arm. Then his eyes widen and he runs off faster than you've ever seen him move before, screaming all the way. "SYLVIAAAAAAaaaaa"

You and the vendor stared after him, your cheeks bulging as you tried to chew. After a moment, he looked back at you. "So, uh, d'you want more chocolate?" You nodded and handed over a handful of credits.

You were still chewing the first bar when they found you sitting on a bench five minutes later. Wander was clutching Sylvia as he babbled something about how you were dead, looking absolutely horrible. Sylvia herself somehow was managing to look both worried and annoyed, although it morphed into just annoyed when she spotted you. You gave them a wave as she approached.

"So, what's this I hear about you getting poisoned?" She asked. You shrugged and finally managed to swallow. Damn those bars were huge.

"No idea." You told her. "Wander just started freaking out when the guy told us where he got the chocolate." You grab a bar out of the bag and hold it out to her. "You want some?"

"DON'T DO IT!" Wander yelled when Sylvia reached for it. He shot down and placed himself between her and the candy, arms spread in a defensive position and breathing hard. "IT'S MADE FROM THE PLANTS ON CALIFRO! IT'S POISONOUS!"

"Califro!" She exclaimed and you pulled the candy back, stuffing it back into your bag. "Wander, are you sure?"

"It's not poisonous to me." You say hotly. "Or to other humans. Except for the ones who are allergic of course." You stand up and shoulder your bag. "So can we please move on from this, now? Yes, the human is immune to literal poison. Who cares?" You turn and start walking without waiting for an answer. "I'm going to go find some pie. Follow if you want."

You try to listen for footsteps, but with so many other people walking it's hard to tell if they actually are following or not. And you can't check because you'd just said you didn't care if they did or not. Dammit.

You wander through the market without much thought, simply traveling from one stal to the next depending on what catches your interest. When you do sneak a look behind you, though, neither Sylvia or Wander can be seen. You try not to let it bother you too much.

You eventually make it back to where the three of you had first landed, arms laden with various foods you'd bought. Food that you had specifically checked with the vendors to see if it was poisonous to anything not human. They'd each assured you it wasn't, but even so you'd ask Sylvia before trying to give anything to Wander.

As you sit on a bench and wait for your friends, you decide to people watch while you eat some apple pie. Both because it's interesting, and to keep villains from stealing your food. And it's a good thing you did too, because who should pop up but a Watchdog.

"Hello there!" He greeted you. You nod in return, mouth still full of pie. "I couldn't help but notice that you were over here by yourself. Are you here alone."

You swallow. "For the moment. Sylvia and Wander are around here somewhere." You take another bite of your pie, it really delicious.

"Ah, I see I see." You don't like the way he says that. You're proven right when he whistles loudly, and several other Watchdogs pop up from literally fucking nowhere and surround you. You stare at the army around you and swallow you food.

"I'll come quietly." You tell him, holding out you hands in surrender. You're not stupid enough to try and take these guys on by yourself. And besides, Wander and Sylvia will get you out in almost no time, you're sure of it.

"Excellent." He replies, slapping some cuffs on your wrists. He begins to lead you away while the other Watchdogs gather up your stuff. You follow quietly and with your head high in order to keep people from being suspicious. It seems to work too as nobody so much as glances your way despite the large amount of Watchdogs.

He leads you to the Skullship, and you feel intimidated just looking at the thing from a distance, much less up close. Still, you enter the ship, even though you have to rub your eyes thanks to the red lighting inside it.

Once you can see again, you have to admit that the interior is actually pretty cool. If you were a villain, you'd probably go for something similar. You're led through several identical hallways before finally coming to a cell. The Watchdog lets you into it, and then sets two different ones to guard you and leaves. With nothing else to do, you sit against the back wall and try to pick the cuffs.

You fail at that, of course. You never were any good at picking locks, just drawing them. As a result you are now reduced to staring blankly into space for entertainment. Fun. ' _God I wish something would happen._ '

You hear the loud footsteps of someone too tall to be a Watchdog, but too light to be Sylvia. ' _Oh fuck no! I take it back!_ '

The someone clears his voice and you turn to look up at Lord Hater. You're intimidated by a lot of people, but despite your mocking nicknames he's the only one that straight up terrifies you.

He stares down at you for one long, terrifying moment, then holds out the bag of chocolate you'd bought earlier.

"What," he asks, "is this?"

"Uh, chocolate." You tell him. "Made from the plants on-on Califro." You swallow thickly, trying not to cringe away from his glare.

He nods, pulling the bag back and opening it up. "I see." He pulls out a large piece and eats it whole. "And where," He asks as he chews, "did _you_ get it?"

"Uh, there's a vendor at the Market. He's selling it." You look behind him to see a Watchdog with a larger lightning bolt on his helmet sprinting down the hallway towards you. "Um..."

"SIR!" He shrieks as he comes to a stop beside Hater. "Sir, stop eating that! The plants on Califro are poisonous to all species!" Hater stared at him for a moment, then popped another piece in his mouth. The Watchdog screamed and tried to snatch the bag.

You and your two guards watched as the two of them fought over the bag, with you wincing at each piece of precious chocolate that fell on the floor. Eventually the guard on the left pulled out a set of keys and handed one to you. "Yeah, this is gonna take awhile. Just head on out when they go somewhere else, nobody will stop you." He told you before he and his partner began to walk away. "Oh, and tell Wander that Jeff says hi."

You stare after them, then watch as Hater and the Wacthdog fight, before Hater finally wrestles the bag back and takes off running down the hallway. The Watchdog follows him, still screaming about how poisonous the chocolate is.

You wait until you can't hear him anymore, then unlock your cuffs and open the door. You throw the cuffs down the hall after Hater, then take off running the other way. However just like Jeff had told you, none of the Watchdogs you pass try to keep you from leaving. In fact, one of them even offers you a chimi-changa when you head through a cafeteria.

As a result, you decide to take your time as you find your way out, munching on your chimi-changa as you go.

WwWwWwW

' _his ship should not be this huge! What is this, the TARDIS? Where the hell is the exit?!_ ' You were sick and tired of being on this ship. Your eyes hurt from the red lighting, you need a drink, and you were beginning to miss your friends. However no matter where you look, you can't find the exit. If it weren't for the fact you know the tech doesn't exist, you'd think the corridors and rooms were rearranging themselves.

You sigh, finally giving in to the fact that you'll have to ask one of the Watchdogs for directions. Or maybe you can get them to just straight up take you out of the ship.

You were still debating this when a door opened and something ran out of it. It sped past you, dragging a screaming Watchdog behind it. As it skittered(yes skittered, like some kind of super-speedy spider) around the corner, you looked into the room it had come out of.

Yeah, this was Hate Face's room. If the giant speakers and electric guitar didn't give it away, than his face on the huge-ass TV screen over the waterbed certainly would. You wander into the room and poke around. You take note of the pet-bed, and have a moment of silence for whatever poor animal got saddled with him as an owner.

You don't stay in the room for long, though, just in case Hater or his pet come back. And you've also figured out a new plan: Wait for Wander and Sylvia to rescue you and help get your stuff back(you've abandoned the chocolate as a lost cause, however. You don't want to eat anything Hate Face has touched).

So you continue down the hallway, peeking into any rooms where the door is already opened, and taking the occasional nick-knack to shove in your pocket, not unlike a video-game character. Unfortunately, extremely unlike a video-game character, you're unable to find your stuff, and your friends haven't yet popped up. Also you're running out of space in your pockets for all the stuff you're totally not stealing.

It's lucky, then, that you happen to finally come across what seems to be a confrence hall of some sort. You aren't quite sure, but you can see your bag sitting on the table, though most of your stuff seems to be scattered around it. With a quick check that they hadn't found your sketchbook(which was still in the bag, but underneath a hoodie) you quickly shove your things back into the bag, along with the other stuff you'd collected. Then, confident now that you had it, you swung the bag over your shoulder and booked it.

"Hey!" You run faster, as apparently Hater's finally noticed your 'escape'. "Watchdogs! After her!" Oh, wait, it's the other Watchdog. The one that kinda sounds like Spongebob Squarepants.

You honestly don't know if that's worst or better.

Either way, though, the Watchdogs that had previously been ignoring you have sprung into action and are now chasing you down the hall. Luckily, this is familar for you, maybe too familiar, but that's not what you're thinking about right now. You round a corner and duck into a side room, closing the door right before they can see where you went. You press up against the door and listen as the Watchdogs stampede past, only daring to breathe when you're sure that they're out of earshot.

' _That was too close! Where's the exit?_ ' You take a step back, and someone grabs you from behind and covers your mouth. You squeak and prepare to bite the hand before the owner shushes you. You realize with some embarrassment that it's Sylvia, and you instantly relax as she lets you go. You turn around, happier to see her than anyone else, only to freeze when you realize who's not with her.

"Where's Wander?" You whisper as she pushes past you to the door. She presses up against it, clearly listening for something.

"He's helping. Now get on, we'll have to be fast." She tells you, lowering herself just enough so you can climb into her saddle. You do so, deciding to bite back your questions for now. Although, from the ever-growing sound of infuriated incoherent shrieking, you don't think you'll have many after you're all out of here.

Just as the noise passes by your hiding spot Sylvia kicks the door down and races after it, leaving you scrambling to try and hang on. Luckily it doesn't seem to hinder her when you finally manage to wrap your arms around her neck, and she's too focused on whatever's happening ahead of you notice your screech of surprise.

When you finally feel like you aren't going to fall off, you opened your eyes and found, to your surprise, that Sylvia is chasing Lord Hater around. And in front of Hater is-

"Wander!" You're shouting before you can fully register what's going on. He turns and, spotting you, shoots you a large grin and a wave, all without slowing down. Hater sees this and gives a howl of rage, shooting at the little orange fluff-ball with his lightning. Luckily Wander iss able to dodge it, but Sylvia still speeds up.

As she passes Hater, you risk reaching out a hand to smack him on the back of the head. "That's for eating my chocolate!" You shout as he falls over in a tumble. Wander hops up behind you as you pass him, and your face starts to heat up when you feel him wrap his arms around you.

You don't think you've ever been so thankful for red lighting in your entire life.

It doesn't take long for Sylvia to leave the ship, because of course _she_ can find the exit. She's been in and out of here enough times, after all. She charges right through the door as it closes, and bolts down the weirdly tongue-like ramp and into the market, putting as much distance between you three and the ship as she can.

When she finally stops, and it feels like hours before that happens, Wander hops off her back with the grace of someone who's done it several times before.

You, on the other hand, stumble out of the saddle like a drunk and face-plant in the dirt.

"Ooh, sorry about that." Sylvia says, though she doesn't sound too sorry. "Forgot you aren't as used to the chase scenes."

You look up in time to see blue sneakers step in front of you. Looking up further shows Wander with an uncharacteristically worried look on his face as he stares down at you. He opens his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

"Hater stole my chocolate." You tell him. He blinks as his expression morphs to a more confused one. You stand up and brush the dirt off your front. You legs are still a little wobbly, and you're definitely gonna be saddle-sore tomorrow, but you have one last thing to do before you leave the planet.

"I'm going to go buy some more."

"NO!" And you were once again face first in the dirt, only this time with Wander on your back.


End file.
